I feel like it’s a noble thing to strive to be the best people we can be. But we should also know that perfection is an impossibility; it’s merely a mirage meant to give us the impression of an ideal, but not necessarily an achievable one.
Realistically, I think it’s fair to say that we can’t do everything perfectly, or expect things to go perfectly first try. I think there’s some beauty to appreciating some pragmatism in our lives, but even so, I find myself paying too much attention to the details, and it’s something that I’ve been trying to work on for a while now. I’m curious to know how other people who have had similar experiences dealt with it, and I’m hoping that I can learn from them.
I recently came across a pretty fascinating video from a channel I came across recently (life of riza, you should check it out!) about ideas and how perfectionism can stand in the way of executing them. While Riza’s more content creator focused, I think the same principles and ideas can be applied to me. There’s something she says about her experience that I found rather interesting:
I noticed that a big point of friction for me is when I go to write my first page of a script. […] Most of the time, when I am avoiding starting something, it’s because my expectations are way too high. I’m expecting my first draft to be perfectly written or perfectly convey all my ideas, which is almost never the case.
I can really empathise with this POV, and I feel it too when I’m working on my own. There’s this certain expectation that everything I make must be good, neat, presentable. Almost all of the time though, it’s not the case, and it only fosters dissatisfaction with the state of the work, eventually leading to me scrapping the project.
Writing
Writing is a deeply personal activity that I find really interesting. Everybody has their own ways of writing, and we all share stories based on the way we write and how we convey a narrative. Even so, I keep having the feeling when writing that a ‘good’ piece of writing is poetic in nature. Many of my favourite writers often write with lots of philosophical prose that question the little things in life. They’d have quotes from things they read everywhere.
When it comes to my own writing, I’ve scrapped some articles because I thought that they weren’t enough. Sometimes, I also feel like I haven’t thought out enough, even though I’ve written multiple revisions of the topic scrapped. When starting out, I thought that it did make sense, thinking that I’m cutting away content that ‘wasn’t good enough’, but I now realise that perhaps I’ve lost track of my purpose in writing. It’s also pretty ironic, considering how many people are often fatigued by really long blog posts about a particular topic (seriously, how do people write and think so much?).
The bottom line is, there are many, many different ways of storytelling. We might be poetic in nature, using metaphors to give an impression that’s deep and revealing to readers. On the other hand, we might spell it out and fall back on the simplicities of language to help us paint a vivid but clear picture. In the end, our own writing styles are what make us unique writers individually. I should try to shed this conception of aiming for more poetic writing just for the sake of it, but rather writing freely in my ‘style’, whatever that may be!
I think a good stepping stone for improving my writing is to (a) write more and (b) read more. Funnily enough, I’ve only came to this realisation only recently even though it feels obvious. A good advice that was given to me to refining my writing and generally figuring out my ‘taste’ for what kind of writing speaks out to me: reading widely (voraciously!), then leaning in to what you like the most. In a way, what you read will eventually influence what you write, and I think that’s a pretty cool thing to think about.
Projects
Projects are a surprisingly complicated deal because of how much I think about the details in them. I notice that there is a somewhat noticeable process when it comes to me creating a project. Roughly, I would:
- think of a concept and get inspired by the works that other people have done;
- think of how to make the idea come to life, starting with a rough prototype.
- start to lose interest in the project, staring so much at a blank white frame.
- start work for a while, maybe creating the repository and initiating a project.
- somehow immediately experience dissatisfaction with the project.
- completely disregard the project over time, deleting the repo after one of many repo purges that I do from time to time.
This over-perfectionistic behaviour of mine means that, in my head, a lot of things need to be ‘good’. This is pretty funny, considering how messy programming is in general and especially in the context of developing stuff. I notice that programming is meant to be filled with imperfections—after all, I’m sure none of us has seen technology work 100% of the time for every person using it—yet I can’t shake the feeling in my head that things need to be perfect.
I also seem to be micro-managing a lot of things, many of the things which don’t even have much of an effect in the grand scheme of things. Believe me, I’ve thought too long and rubbed too many brain cells thinking about an appropriate Git commit message and spent soooooooo long thinking about whether to switch from using Gitmoji to Conventional Commits (I did, but see? The world didn’t end!).
I’m looking to fix this by taking my time with projects. Many of my decisions, including that to completely drop projects, are usually made with quick thinking and in the moment. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to think twice about committing to dropping a project, considering all the benefits I can get if I do follow through with it. I’d also want to work a bit more on appreciating and understanding that errors are a part and parcel of programming, and an erroneous commit message won’t do much harm, or at the very least just cosmetically.
School work
I must admit that I think that my over-perfectionism and too much attention to detail can greatly help. It’s allowed me to watch for minor details should I want a project to be as perfect as possible, whether basic spelling or grammatical mistakes or a small cosmetic issue. I think in this case, it helps because it doesn’t just jeopardise anything yet. It does, however, make me a rather annoying teammate to have (but I don’t think anyone I’ve worked with has thought that!), since I’d have the urge to point out lots of small things. If you’re someone who’s stumbled across it and is working with me, hope you’ll take note of this! :P
On the other hand (of course there’s the bad side to it), paying too much attention to things can easily make you (and even your team) lose track of the bigger picture, which, especially in assignments and project work here in poly, can be critical. Details don’t really matter if the project doesn’t adhere to the brief given as part of the assignment! Many of my regrets in past projects were that we spent too much time on the small details such that our vision and goal for the final product didn’t really make it in the end.
It’s still a work in progress, and I think I’ll continue learning the more I work with all kinds of people on all kinds of projects. It’s an exciting opportunity to learn new things while understanding and correcting the error of my ways!
Perfection isn’t everything
I need to remind myself that perfectionism isn’t really an achievable trait, and I need to set standards for what can be considered ‘good enough’. Sure, everyone has their own standards, and, especially in group projects, standards can conflict, but that gives a baseline for what you think is the minimum amount of work that can be done. It gives you a basis to draw the line and say “okay, that’s enough for now” and continue on with things.
I carry the trait of being perfectionistic both as a boon and bane, and I do see it as both. On one hand, I can be someone who can really pay attention to details and the like, but I can get a little annoying and focus too much on the smaller details. There must be a balance that should be struck, and I’m still trying to figure out what works for me.
Thank you as always for reading! :)